From A Hoarder to A MiniMyList

(15 mins read)

Dear Reader,

Welcome to another read. I can’t thank you enough for participating with me on this journey of minimalism and clarity mindset. To each person, their struggles in life. Struggles, obstacles, and life’s predicaments eventually result in experiences that shape us in a certain way and make us who we are today. In this second post on my blog, I want to share a challenging stage of my life that I permanently got rid of, thankfully. I will explain in detail how I became a hoarder, the challenges I went through before the switch, what motivated and inspired me, and finally, my current state of minimalism.

To begin, it is NOT easy for me to write this post as it is taking me a lot of unsettled, uneasy, and anxious feelings to recall my previous hoarder life. Remembering those days bring flash backs from a hoarding past I am genuinely not enjoying to talk about.  I can describe it as a hair mesh that can’t be brushed. I cannot deny that revealing publicly that once I was a hoarder makes me feel uncovered. Still, I am at the same time feeling satisfied as I am bringing up my personal experience so others can learn from it before falling into the trap of “hoarderism,” a word I made up, hopefully, it makes sense. Indeed, I am not proud of what I used to be, and if I can weight the shame and guilt I feel inside of me because of my ex-hoarder life, I could have filled the sky of angry black clouds and endless thunders, sounds poetic, yet this is indeed how I feel inside. However, and speaking from a positive side, I am glad that I passed that stage successfully, and now I am looking forward to leaving life as the minimum required as possible. 

A) Revealement

Every person has a specific reason/ reasons on how they fall into the trap of “hoarder-ism”—either being a fashionista, a career with mandatory flamboyant physical appearance, competitive social standards, and many more. No answer fits all. However, speaking from my personal experience, the answer to how I fall into hoarderism goes back to my childhood. I grew up as a sicky child all the way throughout the mid of adolescence. I remember mom had me homeschooled to take care of my health more. Due to my poor health conditions, nothing was as much of a necessity and a priority as my healing. Thus, clothing or any other materials were a secondary thought for me as I wasn’t mentally settled to enjoy any new outfit or any other “thing.” Mom never cared about buying me a new dress as much as she cared to pay the hospital bill and buying me medication. For as it seemed to be endless years, I suffered from a lack of health that even having that thought of asking mom to get me something like other kids never crossed my mind. I never even had a chance to be with other kids in the first place because I was always sick, so playing outside the house or in the playground seemed to tire me quickly and make me run out of energy fast. I remember having my computer with me, my play station to play games, a couple of other electronic games at home, a tutor that comes into the house often to teach me, and so that was more than enough. When I grow up a bit and following a strict diet that I am still on till now, I became healthier as years go by. After I fully gained my health, I was ready enough to be finally mingled with outside society. My expectation after being in the outside world was nothing like I have imagined.

Something similar to animes where one outfit fits all occasions. Coming with rare to nothing social experience into the real-life world was a bit challenging, especially when it comes to physical appearance. People can get harsh with their pre-judgments. Where I come from looks are a priority over anything else. It is a culture to have the latest Kaftan, latest Jellaba, latest Jabadour; otherwise, people will look down at you because it is culture to show off what you have. We even have a traditional saying, “My belly is starving, but I am looking polished.” The translation of this quote is the closest translation/meaning I can get to since, in my language, it sounds even more dramatic than an English translation can demonstrate.

Having my first job was a blessing at that time. All I had in mind is I need to work more hours so I can buy this, this and that. I started exploring stores, shopping malls, luxury brands and bought as many clothes as I can, as much makeup as my drawers can fill. I even remember in a single transaction; I spent one thousand dollars worth makeup and perfume. I really never had a budget or planned to have one. Besides, I started browsing online stores and downloaded every single app on my phone of fashion and retail. My digital cart always had to have something.

Moreover, I signed up for monthly memberships with some retail companies. In addition, I expanded my shopping experience and started exploring other shopping spots by traveling inside and outside the states. Whenever I make a stop, I will grab something quick to add to my collection. My shopaholic addiction became uncontrollable as my shopping list was unlimited and the more I own the more I want to own more, my closets, drawers, and every single corner in the house became occupied with clothes, makeup, perfume, hair products, notebooks, books that I will never read and others. My mother and my sister used to say that I can officially open a store with what I have. I owned tons of belongings to the point my bedroom was NOT enough storage, and I needed to get a real monthly private storage room somewhere else which I ended up renting eventually.

Looking back at those days, I am asking myself what for? Why did I do this to myself? How did I become a pro-shopaholic? All of these questions will end when I started discovering the path to enlightenment.

B) Realization Path and Inspirations

I always enjoyed reading. I love mostly to read self-improvement books, religious books, and finally, romantic novels. My very first inspiration about minimalism and how I got introduced to it was never planned. It was kind of a super random coincidence that happened to happen. I was browsing the internet in a boredom time and stumbled upon some religious articles that I dearly enjoyed reading. As I said, I am so passionate when it comes to reading religious content. However, speaking about those religious posts I came across, none of them, in reality, talked about minimalism, but it was clear enough that people back then lived a minimalistic lifestyle. I understood myself from the hints presented in the articles that minimalism is one of the core values of Islam, among many other beautiful core values that exist in my religion. Nevertheless, I am choosing not to go deep into this subject as of now; otherwise, this article post will transform into a book. But I promise sometime in the future, hopefully, sooner than later, I will explain step by step how ISLAM was the main reason I decided to follow a minimalistic lifestyle.

Also, I remember in one of my school projects, we were asked to research one of the people that inspires us the most. I choose to speak about Steve Jobs, knowing that he comes from a homeless background to a billionaire famous TV personality. As I was browsing the net to get additional data about him for my school project, I encountered one of his pictures taken in a furniture-less apartment. My first impression followed after looking at the picture was “WOW” that picture really inspired me. The image was pretty basic, and simple yet it truly spoke to me.

Eventually, I started getting serious about this lifestyle and started research about minimalism such as reading books, YouTube videos, learning more from online articles, and much more.

C) Ex-Hoarder Challenges.

There isn’t much to say in this section besides the power of letting go and feeling stuck. I hope I was crystal clear. Every single item has a memory, and some are very meaningful to me. Getting down to a list of what I absolutely can’t live without, what I want, and a “maybe” was NOT easy. In fact, that was the primary source and the reason as to how I came up with my blog name MiniMyList in other words, Minimize My List and make it a list of necessities rather than impulsive shopped items.

D) Declutter Stage

I am in my early stages of minimalism, and also that is also why I decided to start a blog to motivate myself and recruit more people to take on this journey with me. I am downsizing my belongings. I shared most with family members, friends. I am packing stuff now to donate to women’s shelter, books to the library, and the rest I am thinking of having an open house. However, I am keeping some essential things with me, which will serve me in the lifestyle I choose for myself moving forward. I see that keeping some of the stuff from my past hoarder life is a necessity and a reminder to myself NOT to purchase unless it is needed. 

I donated some perfumes but won’t be giving all because I use perfume on a regular daily basis and go by them pretty fast anyways. Doing so is making me feel good about myself as using what I have without having the urge to purchase again and also making proper usage of what I have.

I also divided my clothes into sections. I gave more than half of them and kept a pretty decent amount, but I am going to downsize it in the long run. As of now, I picked eleven clothing pieces which I wear during the week. I already noticed some of them because of overuse became a bit torn out, but I am still going to use them until they get really, very old and at that stage I am planning to recycle them either by giving them to a recycling cloth company, or I will make good use of them at home somehow such as bathroom or kitchen cleaning cloth.

Memberships: I canceled all of them except one. The only one membership I am enrolled in now is from an organic herb company where I receive some Arabian herbs that are a necessity in my culture and I need them in a monthly basis. Perhaps one day, I will make a full post about that. Moreover, I recently found out that I have non-refundable credit with some online retail shops. I am not interested to shop for anymore clothing nor that I want that money to go wasted. I will have to figure out how to solve this situation and will definitely keep you guys in the loop.

In conclusion, for once I am willing to say “Asmae, I am proud of I/myself” for having enough courage to put these information out in the digital world with the purpose of first helping others overcome or prevent hoarding, and as well as I am considering this to be a huge part of my spiritual healing.

Again, thanks to my loyal readers and I hope I inspired or motivated you in someway or other.

With love,

ASH

Note: In this post, I did not care much about a professional academic level of writing. I just wanted to be so organic, spontaneous, natural, and speak my heart out. Of course, I made few corrections here and there but nothing to make it sound artificial. Indeed, I was not enjoying writing this specific post, but I am glad I challenged myself, got out of my comfort zone, and publish it. After all, I want people to learn from my mistakes and luckily prevent themselves from being a hoarder in the first place. Also, I noticed while reading this article to myself, I encountered some negativity hovering around, but I am committed to turning my previous negativeness into a positive experience, happy, and jubilant lifestyle. After all a negative – negative make positive 🙂